Clarification

Just to clarify....when I said meet "someone" , I was talking about meeting my daughter. I was lucky enough to do that recently. She is truly amazing and incredibly beautiful, just like Mackenzie. They loved each other!

SPRING! It has finally arrived with a vengeance! Nate has turned 4, we have been to the circus, moved across town, had a new litter of kittens, kids are all in new schools, went on a short vacation to Missouri, and I'm sure I am missing something! Its been a busy couple of months. Our first house on the West side of town finally sold, and we moved to the East side of town. Much better school district, renting a slightly smaller place here but lovely neighborhood and wonderful yard! We actually know 2 families in our neighborhood. One is a RN  that I work with and one is an old chef that Bill used to work with at Marriott! There is a park right down the street and the yard is fenced for the dogs! We even have a fire pit in the back yard.
Nate had a piñata for his birthday party. We had a couple of friends over. Here are a few pics.

 We had the "party" on St Patrick's Day, in case you were wondering about the green.

 Our friends Brendan, Everett, and Will came for piñata bashing and cake :-)

 Nate got a big boy bike for his birthday, he picked out the helmet!

 This is his buddy Will. Will's mom and I have been friends for years. He lives very close to our new house!

Mackenzie's cat, Patches, married Ben's cat, Mufasa, and they had babies. 5 of them. They are adorable. And oddly enough, Mufasa, seems to really enjoy helping Patches take care of them. He gets into the birthing box at every opportunity and helps to groom them...and if Patches is taking a break, he gets in with the babies and cuddles with them. 3 are tiger striped like Daddy and 2 are black .....kinda like mommy.

Sweet little family right? :-)

Sandee, is obsessed with the kittens. She watched this one for about 20 minutes.

 This poor baby really didn't want a bath...he kept kicking his dad in the face....but no mercy!

 Here is the king! Isn't he pretty? He is huge! But muscular. No fat.

 Nate wanted to take a pic hugging him....he was about to put his claws out and run.

 two of the tiger babies sleeping together...no, I did not position them...they did this themselves!

 Another bath.....see the gold head sticking out from under dad's butt?

 One is escaping!

 Here is dad with 2 of his mini's.

One other fun event that I was privileged to attend this month was a birthday party. One of my dearest friends has a baby girl who just turned 1yr old. She invited us to the party. I took Nate and we joined the family to celebrate. It was a beautiful day and we spent several hours outside. She is a beautiful baby. 

So now April is just around the corner. Just a few more weeks of school left and then summer will be here. Mackenzie is failing just about every subject she is taking, Ben is not far behind. Nate is about the only thing that I touch that I don't feel directly responsible for ruining. I know that is not fair. But my inability to manage and remember tasks, jobs, homework, assignments, and keep track of everything is really becoming a problem.

I have been hoping for the past 3 years to go on a trip with my youngest sister in a couple of weeks. But of course I never got around to saving money for the trip. In addition to that, my mom was planning to come and take care of the kids so I could go, and now my grandma is very ill and she may not be able to come. I NEED this time. I need to recharge, time to remember who I am and what it is that I do and why and that I CAN do it well. I know that Mackenzie's failures are not all a reflection on me, but in a lot of ways they are. Ben's certainly are. My work tasks not being prioritized .....that is certainly my own fault. I don't want to feel selfish about needing some time to unwind. I know it doesn't seem fair, me going away, someplace quiet and nice without the fam. But this is a once in a never thing. I just need to do it. And I REALLY NEED to feel like its ok.

I just pray that grandma hangs on, if that is what is supposed to happen and Mom can come. And I can go. I need to clear my head. And do some writing. 

I had waited for years to meet someone, and I finally got to. But I still feel that there are a lot of things that are unsaid on both sides. I'm unsettled. Troubled, and in this, alone.

"If there ever comes a time when we're not together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever"

Goals for this year

As we start a new year with fresh plates and strong resolve (well actually we are starting the second month of the new year so I am way late already), I wonder what we expect in the next few months.

You know, every year we hear the doomday prophets predict how we will meet our doom THIS year or how the stock market will really tank this year. But how much time do any of us really spend thinking about our future? I was talking to a young lady yesterday about her retirement planning. She is in her early 20’s and in a serious committed relationship. She was telling me that she and her boyfriend have been discussing their finances and asking their parents for advice on how to plan for their financial future! What a great idea! How mature! I am approaching 40 and my husband and I have been married for 16 years. We are still very foolish about money and have just in the last few years realized how dumb we have really been for the last decade! I really wish that we had had these types of conversations when we were dating! I wish more young people realized how important it is to really have these deep uncomfortable conversations with your insignificant other BEFORE you decide to spend the rest of your life with them. If you bothered to TALK to them before choosing them for your life partner….maybe you would realize that you don’t agree on some of these rarely discussed topics. Too often we think that certain subjects are not necessary for “dating” couples to discuss……WRONG! Everything that you think about, believe in, want, dream about. All those things need to be discussed , weighed, with the person that you are thinking about spending your life with. Nothing is too trivial to discuss or spend time talking about. This time before you make that final commitment is rare and short, use it wisely. J

Money….finances. All bring a grit to my teeth and a stabbing pain to my abd. What is it about money that makes us to crazy. Wanting it, needing it, spending it. It seems to just ooze through our hands. Budgeting is so painful..my husband and I go back and forth on who is responsible for sending the bills out and keeping track of the register. Honestly, neither of us is very good at it. I am not good at writing things down as I spend, and he is not good at really using the register balance……he looks at the bank balance too much. Money is the only thing that we fight over. Well, it used to be. Over time, it has led to other fights. But they have all started with money. It makes us crazy. Our church is currently covering a series called the “Big Bad Wolf”. Pastor is giving money a persona….that of a wolf. Like any pet, if you don’t train it, it will ruin your house. It must be trained, and kept in check. Money is not necessarily bad, it just must be kept under control. Pastor recommends saving for specific goals rather than for unexpected emergencies.  He pays cash whenever possible.  He follows a budget, he gives heavily (following Christ’s recommendation of 10%) and has a set % pulled from his paycheck and deposited directly into his retirement account. The deposit amount has not changed over the years even though his salary has increased.  We used to pay tithe, but we have not for years. We both agree that we did better financially when we paid tithe. But I think that we need to make sure that we are doing for the right reasons. And every time that we talk about it, the concern that I feel from my husband (and a little from myself as well) is that we really cannot afford to give that much. I honestly am not sure that we can afford not to.